Why Do Funerals Sometimes Feel Like Family Reunions?
Some thoughts on forgiveness and the purpose of funerals
Here in Lubbock we have had a summer that feels full of inexplicable tragedy. Bad, death-dealing things that “just don’t make no sense”. Like the passing of Ms. LaKeacha Collins, under circumstances that defy comprehension. We offer heartfelt condolences to everyone who lost someone recently.
On a personal level, The Jenkins Clan also experienced a loss. Thankfully, we were able to travel 7 hours to Bryan, Texas to attend the home-going celebration for my “Aunt” Constance Diane Bailey. I put aunt in quotes because Aunt Diane was actually my second cousin, as far as I can figure out. Her son Brodderick, a recently retired police officer, is like a brother to me. We grew up playing and hanging out in Bryan, during the Summers of the early-to-late 80’s.
After the funeral, we had a repast at the Neal Recreation Center. As I sat there, sad but quietly elated in the midst of family, one of my other cousins, William, leaned over and told me with a wistful look, “Man, it’s really sad how funerals nowadays feel like family reunions.”
Cuz was absolutely right. In fact when I attended Mr. Curtis Gipson’s home going later in the week on 5 August, I heard someone in the crowd say the same thing—using nearly the exact same words. I didn’t see who said it, but it sure rings true, doesn’t it?
Takeaways
Having experienced two motorcades recently, I noticed some differences in the way Lubbockites and folks in Bryan-College Station escort their departed. We all know you’re supposed to pull over when you see a funeral procession. But, my Aunt Diane had a police-escorted motorcade. So we had a front-row seat to watch how traffic behaved around us.
We noticed that many of those Bryan folks not only pulled over, but also parked and exited their vehicles, standing-by nearly at attention as we passed. It was somehow both ludicrous and beautiful, and made me want to start doing it here.
In both funerals, we noticed a muted, but deep feeling of sadness. There was also a weird, patient kind of joy, almost a feeling of low-key festivity. Funerals are family reunions, but that’s only a bad thing if they are your only family reunions.
What if the purpose of funerals is just that: to strengthen the ties that bind a community by mandating random, ad-hoc get-togethers that draw us back from where ever we have roamed—or fled?
Please don’t let another day pass if you have unforgiveness toward someone. There may just come a day when you can no longer speak to or be with that person. Please forget whatever you think they did, and forgive them.
I’m trying to practice what I preach, too. This past week, I forgave someone who hurt me deeply. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It felt so good to hang on to that simmering anger. An anger that was fueled by the pain they caused me several years ago.
I don’t mention this as a way to humble brag. I say it because someone may need to hear it. Forgiveness is important because,
“…if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
The reason I forgave this person had nothing to do with me being good. I forgave them because I caught myself thinking something vile after hearing that something bad had befallen them.
As soon as I caught myself thinking that thought, I felt tremendously ashamed, and repented of my unforgiveness. I thought I was better than that, but didn’t Jesus say something about how thinking something in your heart is just as bad as doing it?
I was so shocked and humbled to realize how lowly I can be. So I forgave them, and I asked The Lord for forgiveness for harboring those unkind thoughts. It was hard, but I’m glad I did it. I do feel that a proverbial weight has lifted. Weight that was probably hurting me, rather than healing me or helping me grow.